Spring is upon us here in Texas. The grass outside the fence has turned to a carpet of yellow and purple flowers, trees are budding with leaves and the birds that inhabit the crossbars of our caged yard have gone into an amorous frenzy.
It rarely gets cold enough to keep me inside ‒ I take a walk at least once a day ‒ but I'm glad it's getting warm enough again to sit outside. Aside from the fresh air, sunshine and nice view (better than the ubiquitous beige brick) the yard is a much-needed refuge from the yelling that often echoes through the unit. I'm getting better at tuning it out, but I prefer to avoid it when I can.
It took me way too long ‒ 9 months ‒ but I've finally finished my Sociology class. For my final assignment I studied how gender relates to prison social dynamics. Basically, the prison system was designed for men. Women's prisons mostly follow the same policies and procedures, but with female inmates the strict rules and rigid hierarchy become slightly more casual. Staff find they do better with more of a rational approach: explaining things, rather than giving orders, for example. In sociological terms, this is called expressive leadership, as opposed to instrumental leadership, which is found more in men's prisons. I knew there was a big difference between male and female institutions, but doing this research emphasized how much better I have it (also, because it's federal, rather than a state prison, and a medical center). Being in a max-security unit is less than ideal, for many reasons, but as prisons go, it could be a lot worse.
I've also begun the second year of Buddhist courses. The first year was dedicated to studying Hinayana, or basic vehicle. It teaches that all things, including the "self," are impermanent and interdependent. We cause ourselves to suffer by resisting the ever-changing quality of existence. This was a valuable lesson for me. I can't change my circumstance, but I could make it worse by stewing over how I'd like it to be different.
This year's courses are on the Mahayana, or greater vehicle, which is about serving others. Though it's been my intention to act compassionately through most of my life, I have not always done so with a clear mind, open heart and pure motivation, so I've been looking forward to this section. I'm also in the midst of a 90-day meditation challenge, sponsored by Tricycle, a Buddhist magazine. I had gotten lax in my practice lately, but having a specific goal is motivating me to do it every day. It started on the same day as Lent and follows a similar idea Ñ a rededication for a specific period of time that has lasting benefits. I definitely feel better when I meditate regularly, so hopefully I can keep it up.
I've started watching a new telenovela called "Mañana es Para Siempre" (Tomorrow is Forever). Most are pretty stupid and superficial, like American soap operas, but this one is a bit more cinematic ‒ a story of lovers kept apart for years by malevolent forces. It's more entertaining and probably more effective than studying Spanish from a book every night, but still I'm glad telenovelas only run for a few months because that's about all the time I want to commit to watching TV regularly. I'm able to follow the story and most of the dialogue, but I also watch with Spanish-speaking friends, so I can ask if I get confused.
My other nightly entertainment is a book group. One person reads aloud, even doing different voices and accents for the various characters, while the rest of us work on crafts. I'm currently crocheting an afghan for my bed. We're reading Neil Gaiman's "Coraline" now, having enjoyed his latest, "The Graveyard Book." We often read children's chapter books ‒ Inkheart, Lemony Snicket, Chronicles of Narnia ‒ because they read aloud well and don't require too much concentration. If anyone has suggestions of other books in this vein, please let me know.
We've noticed that newly released children's books are quite dark compared to what we read when we were young. I suppose it's a reflection of the times. Their message of marshaling your courage and pressing forward despite a bleak landscape full of adversity speaks to many of us adults, too.
I am feeling hopeful about the new direction the country is taking, but there will no doubt be difficulties ahead. I wish you all strength and clarity to face whatever challenges await you.
Love,
Chelsea
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